A few days ago, we received a lady's request for help to support-us@sohimi.com. She said: "I feel like I am sexual apathy."  When asked about the specific reasons, she described herself like this: when you are having sex, you don't feel any pleasure except for the feeling that something is going back and forth in your body. The thrusting doesn’t bring orgasm. Even if it was kissing and touching, there was a moment of crush in my heart, but it was only a flash, and it disappeared quickly. In general, sex doesn’t make you feel good, and even a little uncomfortable. Isn’t it sexual apathy?

In order to solve her troubles, we further asked her some questions: Is there any sexual desire in normal times? Will you use female masturbators to solve your desires?

The answer is YES.

So we know that she is not really frigid, but "pseudo-frigid."

I believe that many ladies have also encountered similar problems. Usually they have desires and are self-pleasant on masturbation, but when they are in the two-person world, they are not only unpleasant, but may also be uncomfortable.
So I began to doubt myself: is there a deviation in my sexual orientation? Or am I indifferent in my own personality?
For ladies who are equally confused, it is necessary to understand the difference between frigidity and pseudo-frigidity.

Frigidity & Pseudo-frigidity

True sexual frigidity does not even produce desire.

If there is no sex or masturbation for a long time, there will be no pleasure, and I can't even remember it. It's like anorexia, not feeling hungry, let alone enjoying food.
On the other hand, pseudo-frigidity means that the body and the mind have desires and sometimes masturbation.
But when it comes to sex with partner, it doesn't feel pleasure or feels uncomfortable. After a long time, sexual activities becomes unnecessary.

Why Would There Be Pseudo-frigidity

If you feel you are sexual frigidity, which is a very common thing among girls.
Among the many ladies we have come into contact with, 90% are pseudo-frigidity. The reason why they start to resist sex is usually because they don’t experience happiness from it.

If you do something often but never feel its benefits, it will naturally become boring after a long time. And the reason why you don't like it is "unpleasant feeling", not lack of sexual desire.

So why are you upset when you have sex?

Just like the lady’s question above, when many girls have sex, they can only feel men’s penis moving, there is neither pain nor obvious pleasure. This reason starts with the structure of female reproductive organs. In the process of sex, the reason why women can experience pleasure is because of the clitoral body in the genitals. The clitoral body mentioned here is not the little beanie(clit), but a structure similar to the cavernous body in the male penis.

The clitoris can only feel pleasure after it is awakened enough, just like a male’s penis, it can be used to make love only after erection, it is a same thing. The difference between the two is that maybe it only takes one second to erect the penis, but it takes 3-5 minutes to awaken the clitoris to stay congestion. Only when women's vision, hearing, touch, and psychology are fully comforted, can the clitoris be slowly congested and aroused. So, if you do not have obvious pain when you have sex, but you just feel uncomfortable, it is likely that you are not prepared enough.

At this time, you can try to extend the time of foreplay, let the boy's caressing nourish the body and wake up the clitoris.
Of course, you can also perform sexual fantasies in advance by yourself, first excite your brain, and drive your body to erotic excitement. If none of the above two methods work, relax，just don't have sex at all, soak in a hot bath, listen to the music, and relax your nerves comfortably.

After all, the premise of happiness is absolute relaxation. When you are completely relaxed, you will be more likely to accept the baptism of desire instead of passive thrusting movement.
In addition to this reason, there are some girls who are not only upset when having sex, but also hurts. Why is this? 

Pain Of Sex

There is an unspeakable pain called pain of sex.
There are many reasons for the pain associated with sex, such as psychology, physiology, and physical diseases, such as vulvar infection and gynecological inflammation.
In these situations, let alone sex, you may be very uncomfortable everyday.

In such a situation, stop sexing first, and it’s not too late to have sex after it’s cured.
There are some ladies who do not hurt at the beginning of sex, but will get more and more pain in the later stage, which may be caused by the rough thrusting. The vaginal mucosa is very fragile. Once it is too rough, the vulvar mucosa will be easily injured. This kind of wound is usually difficult to detect with the naked eye.
This type of pain is pathological. Once it occurs, you must stop sex immediately, seek medical attention in time, and find the cause and prescribe the right medicine.

When you read to here, some ladies may feel that they don’t pleasure through sex so they don’t need make love anymore. Anyway, old couples and old wives don't have that condition.
The ladies who said this must have never experienced the benefits of harmonious sex. Sex is the lubricant of intimacy. Some couples' problems can be alleviated through a hearty sex.
Moreover, having a harmonious sex life will not only greatly satisfy your body, mind, and body, but the intimate relationship with your partner will increase day by day.
So don't think that being unhappy is a small problem, it can be said to be related to all aspects of you.
So, how to solve the above-mentioned unpleasant problems?

It's actually really easy.

One way to make the pleasure more intense
In fact, most of the sex is insensitive, painful, and unpleasant. In the final analysis, it is controlled by a muscle in the private part.
This is also the pelvic floor muscle we often talk about.
If the sensitive spots on the body are all communicators, then the pelvic floor muscles are their commander-in-chief.

Women’s vagina is one of the openings of the pelvic floor muscles. During sex, the pelvic floor muscles can mobilize the vagina to contract, and when the vagina relaxes, it can stimulate all sensitive points.
So what can I do to exercise my pelvic floor muscles? Of course it is to practice XO!

In addition to making your vagina more sensitive, this set of actions can effectively alleviate the problem of hypertension and perfectly solve the pain of sex.
Of course, the premise is that you have to master the correct method of exerting strength. The wrong method will not only not solve your problems, but will even affect your health.

I will show you how to train your XO next time.

To be continued